Dear Ask The Life Coach,
For most of my life I have had lower self confidence then I would like.
I have tried working on my confidence issues with a psychologist and
although I learned a lot about myself, I do not feel like my self confidence
increased. How does a life coach approach dealing with raising self confidence
and can it be effective?
To start out with I appreciate your question and acknowledge your efforts to transform your self confidence. I gather by your question that you have an idea of where you would like your self-confidence levels to be because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel as though you were lacking any. This is the first step in beginning the process. The next is to realize that you, and only you, control the outcome you’re looking to attain. With that in mind, I’ll give you a few ideas from a life coaching perspective that may be useful.
The first is to take a real time snapshot of where you are right now, and then have a clear vision of the goal or objective you have in mind. Spend some time in your thoughts and visualize yourself with a higher level of self-confidence. What do you do? How do you act? Do you walk different? Talk different? Wear different clothes? Spend some time with this transformed version of yourself and take stock of every possible detail you can, from the colors and smells, to the people you meet and places you go. Get all of this written down.
Review these notes and take yourself back to this place on a daily basis, before bedtime, at lunch, or whenever you have a few minutes to just close your eyes and relax. This is especially useful if you’re going to be walking into a situation where you desire a higher level of self-confidence. When you find yourself in a situation where you’re feeling low on self confidence then act like you have it. Yes, I said pretend that you have the level of confidence you desire, even if you know you’re faking it!
What you’ll begin to see is that little by little over time this dream world will spill over into other areas of your life and your ability to tap into this confidence reserve will become easier and easier. Eventually, you will no longer need to do this anymore.
Although this seems like a simple exercise, it’s rather powerful. You see, what a coach knows about you, even if you don’t, is that regardless of how you feel about yourself right now, you truly are perfect and whole already.
The good news is that there’s nothing inherently wrong with you, you’re not broken, you’ve simply forgotten how to tap into your unlimited confidence. This can happen over time through learned experiences and other outside influences and oftentimes was done during childhood when you didn’t know any better. Now, as an adult, you can look at this old view and realize that it’s based upon a child’s perspective and can be replaced with a different belief, a belief that you are a confident, outgoing and brilliant woman, because you are!
Try this on for a while, let me know how it fits, I’m confident you’ll find what you’re looking for; it’s been there the whole time!